by: Aaron Shaner, LAMFT, LAPC
Every parent wants to hear their adult children say that the influence mom or dad had in their child’s life made a difference. Even for kids who don’t remember to say thank you, being appreciative for the way we’re raised is the farthest thing from everyone’s mind while growing up. In my house, there was more bickering around social boundaries than just about any other issue. Being a kid raised in the 1990s, my social life had advantages over previous generations. New fangled inventions like the internet, pagers, instant messaging and later on cell phones, made it easier to connect with friends than previous generations. If what I had growing up to aid in social connection was considered a 100-percent advantage over previous generations, the resources today’s teens have are off the chart. Social networking is now the number one activity for most teenagers, and if not texting or checking each other’s status updates, they are probably watching videos online, playing an online video game or snapping a selfie in front of the mirror this very moment. As parents, it’s one thing to set limits on where your child goes and who they spend time with; it’s a whole different ball game to monitor all of the information in the entire world as it comes into your home on your child’s computer, tablet or smart phone. While I was arguing with my parents over Blockbuster rentals, todays Mom’s and Dad’s are fighting a different battle altogether. After spending the last eight years on the front lines of this battle, some times arguing on both sides, I am confident that when digital media boundaries are done well, parents can be confident in their child’s abilities to make good decisions in cyberspace. Start Early and Talk Often Growing up outside of Chicago, the political jab, “vote early and vote often” was a remark I heard frequently. However, when applied to parenting there is a vital truth contained in it. Kids are never too young for you to start talking with them about how they interact with their world. It’s also never to late to start. From my experience the number one factor in lack of social media boundaries is the lack of parent-child communication on the subject. When parents don’t have a habit of talking with their kids about tough topics, kids won’t think to avoid compromising situations. Be In The Know Invest time in understanding how the technology your children are using works. What kind of access do they have? Do this device come with parental controls? Will it allow your child to purchase things without your knowledge or consent? Why are teens drawn to this particular technology? I’ve even known parents who created their own social media accounts and required their kids to link accounts with them in order to monitor their child’s activities. Protect Your Child’s Online Presence Sites like Google, offer services that can email you when your child’s name/likeness shows up online somewhere. Review guidelines, talk about smart online behaviors, and teach your children to be discerning about what information to keep private and what information to make public. Even friends and acquaintances can accidentally share personal information online that you want kept private about your child. Set Limits Devices like Amazon’s Kindle Fire now come equipped with time controlled use apps. Take advantage of these ways to monitor usage so that your kids can enjoy technology and not get caught up using it for hours at a time. Consider asking your teenage children to turn in their phones at night so that they can do home work and sleep. Recent studies have shown teenagers are loosing sleep by staying up all night, when parents can’t monitor their use of this technology, texting with their friends. Most Importantly: Follow Through As in sports, consistent technique often brings success over brute strength. Talk about setting boundaries with your family, discuss the positives and negatives of social media, and challenge your older kids to think critically about potential consequences of misuse. Once you’ve made guidelines clear, FOLLOW THROUGH. Parenting research shows that regardless of what rules are set, parents who are more consistent in their rules contribute to more healthy children than parents who bounce back and forth between restraint and free reign. Taking time to think through these topics with your family can help raise children who learn good boundaries for themselves that protect them and allow them to take advantage of all that technology has to offer. Submitted by Aaron Shaner, Licensed Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Associate Professional Counselor of The Rapha House – A Counseling Ministry of ChristChurch Presbyterian of Dalton By: Phyllis Sphan, LPC, RDN, LDN
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” is easily recognized as the first line of a favored Christmas song. How is it then that we often feel like we have just experienced a face-to-face encounter with the Grinch? You know him, the malevolent storybook character that created havoc during the Christmas season before his transformation to the kind, loving, and generous Grinch that he becomes.We are led to wonder how to keep the joy-robbers at bay and Christmas meaningful and joy-filled? How can we manage to rise above the stressed busyness that threatens the true reasons of why we celebrate? Strive for a Well-Balanced Perspective Ask yourself if the details you may be stressing over are really going to make a difference in the big picture. Often times, things on which we expend emotional and physical energy really do not matter at the end of the day. Recently, one of my daughters exclaimed, “Mom, I can’t believe that you have a naked Christmas tree in our home!” After a delay in decorating the tree due to problems with the lights that are not supposed to go out (how many of you can relate to that?), followed by a busy week, and an unplanned trip out of town, our tree was left beautifully lit, but undecorated. As time went by, I found it rather liberating to not be worrying about the “naked tree”! Scaling back from the norm and letting go of small details that you may be holding unto this time of year can greatly reduce stress. Reach Out to Help Others This can be done by volunteering and in simple ways, such as “paying it forward” with acts of kindness to others. Pay for the order of the people in the car behind you in the fast food line; pick up the tab for another table in a restaurant; take a bag of groceries to a local agency or food shelter, and so on. While your generosity benefits others and encourages the downtrodden and lonely, you will certainly be blessed as well. Establish New Traditions Holidays often pose difficult challenges for those who have experienced losses of many kinds during the previous year. They can be painful reminders of the absence of a loved one, unfulfilled dreams, and disappointments. Celebrating in different ways and beginning new traditions can lessen the pain and remind us that we must live on and find joy in new surroundings and even new relationships. Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude Reminding ourselves of our blessings and listing the things for which we are grateful can be tremendously helpful in working through any present, seemingly insurmountable difficulties. Project positivity by saying and thinking positive statements when you feel tapped out. Practicing these steps can have unending benefits by helping you feel better about yourself and others. In addition, they often help others be more inclined to be positive with you. Take Care of Your Health The dietitian in me must remind you that what you eat is always essential. All of us function better when consuming healthier diets. In addition, physical activity makes a big difference in how we feel both physically and emotionally. This is especially true when stress abounds and we feel like we just don’t have the time to eat well or to exercise. Pay attention to your mental health. If you find yourself down in the dumps, overwhelmed with bouts of sadness, unable to enjoy activities that normally bring you joy, or other signs of depression, do not suffer in silence. Seek guidance from your health care professionals, your pastor, or talk with a counselor. Having a trusted person to process your feelings with can make all the difference in how you live. Lastly, and very importantly, take care of your spiritual self. Carve out time to focus on the true meaning of the Christmas season. Find a favorite author whose writing helps to settle your busy mind. Reflect on the incredible birth of our amazing Savior by attending a concert, a candle-lighting service, or lessons and carols. Minister to yourself through prayer, scripture, Advent devotionals, and quiet moments of gratitude for the greatest gift ever given. Now, have yourself a Merry Christmas and enjoy “the most wonderful time of the year”! Submitted by Phyllis Spahn, Licensed Professional Counselor and Registered/Licensed Dietitian Nutritionist of The Rapha House – A Counseling Ministry of ChristChurch Presbyterian of Dalton |
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